A teacher has about thirty kids, and each of those kids have Parents. Some have A parent, while others have an appointed guardian. No matter the situation, your students have extensions beyond the walls of your classroom. Most of the time you will never see, or hear from these guardians outside the reaches of your kingdom. Nevertheless you must always know that they are there, and show respect every chance you can.
Parents are very important in many ways. They are reservoirs of information about your kids. They are a support system, should you need one. They contribute goodies for parties, and chaperon filed trips. They are a phone call a way if there is a problem. And rarely, sometimes...now and again they can also be a royal pain in the Noompah! That is, if you let them.
First, if you are a parent then you know how strong your bond is with your own kid. Most of your students have the same kind of relationship with their parents. Second, you must also realize that for some of your kids...YOU are more of a parent to them then what/who awaits them when they get off the bus at the end of a school day. Third...don't take crap from anybody!
Like with your students, you must be confident in your position. Most parents like to know that the person their children are spending nine months out of the year with is confident and competent. Your chance to show this best is "Open House" night. This may be the one and only time for you to connect with the parents of your students. At this event it is vital that you are open, honest, and sincere. If you love teaching, this will come easy.
At Open House, once I have gone over the rules, expectations, and the daily goings-on in my classroom...I give my philosophies about teaching, and classroom management to my parents in large, heaping tablespoons. I let them know that we pound away at a subject until everyone knows it. I don't test until I know my kids have achieved concept attainment. I don't put every grade into my grade book, because I don't count practice as achievement. When there is a problem, it gets handled here in my classroom. I don't delegate problems outside the classroom, meaning...I don't send my kids to the principal, or counselor. My belief is that a teacher is supposed to handle whatever happens (Unless it is a major infraction..fist fighting, weapons brought to school, etc.) in the classroom. In almost 11 years I have only ever written two referrals. If there is a problem outside the classroom, I handle it wherever it takes place. I don't do the Speak quietly so as not to embaress little Johnny, thing. If a kid is going to be silly or disrespectful then this kid is gonna know how I feel about it...whoever is within a hundred foot radius will know about it also. I also tell my parents that I expect no more from my students than I do from my own son.
A few years ago...after going through my schpeel at Open House, a father raised his hand and said..."Don't you think that it is a bit harsh, you know...confronting a kid in front of others and embaressing him?" I told him absolutely not. I added that if a kid had the gumption to do a wrong thing, or act out a bad choice in front of others, than that same kid can deal with the consequences in front of those same people.
I let this father know that this kind of thing doesn't happen everyday. Most problems are handled between me and the student (s) involved. I am loud, I am direct...what you see is what you get. This is as true when we (The class and I) are having fun, when I am teaching a lesson, or when I have to handle a problem.
I also let my parents know that, with the exception of my newsletters...they won't be hearing a lot from me. I don't believe in calling a parent if one of my students fidgets, or blurts out. I don't call a parent if a kid does not turn in homework. I don't call a parent if my student disrupted my class. I don't call the parents because it is part of my vocation to handle/manage this kind of thing. I don't call parents because I teach kids...10 & 11 year old kids! These kinds of behaviors in most 5th grade kids are age appropriate. I have to throw this in...I heard a teacher state that her kids were really chatty this one day, and she was just sick of it. Um, hello...fifth grade? It's not the kids fault if they are or remain chatty.
I get a number of students every year who, in the fourth grade, spent more time in the principal's office than in the classroom. The parents of these students usually smile or roll their eyes when I say (At Open House) that I don't call home unless there is a REAL problem. I usually hear from them months later (Sometimes not until the end of the year) and they are amazed! For these parents it was the first year without endless phone calls from school, or caustic notes home from the teacher.
Students benefit from this also, and it helps build a lasting, trusted relationship. The kids who usually know how to work their teachers...purposely getting in trouble and going to the office...getting out of class, are the ones who are most surprised when they try this plan of action at the beginning of the year with me. Once they realize it won't fly...they are deflated. This is the opportunity of a lifetime for me. Now the kid has to learn how to take responsibility for what he/she has done. I can now show them how to do this, and also show them how they can fix it.
Something else that is very important. If you are a parent, then you know how hard it is to hear when someone has anything negative to say about your child. We parents who know our children, if we are honest, can choke down this negative information if we know it is right. As teachers we must be careful, and thoughtful when speaking to parents about their kids. I have nothing negative to say about any of my students. I never have. I have made a few calls home over the years to inform a parent about something or other...but I have never said...or HAD to say..."Your child is a discipline problem" "Your child is missing work because they get distracted easily" "Your child is in danger of failing" My belief is this...if a child is a discipline problem, it is the teachers fault. If a child is missing work...also the teacher! If a child is distracted...maybe the lessons are boring!
Last thing...some parents can be real pips (Only like 1%). You never hear from them when their child is doing outstanding things, but if there child gets in trouble, then they are on the phone. Love these kinds of parents, cause I nip it in the bud right away. Basically...don't take any crap! It is your classroom, not theirs. I usually state...it is my way or the highway...you can like it or lump it, and there are plenty of other classrooms out there.
After reading this over before I publish it...it reads as if I am a real pompass person, tooting my own horn. I promise you that I am not. Just giving my point of view. The above bit is a snapshot...the daily intricacies related to parents/discipline inside a classroom are way too numerous to write about fully here. It is simply part of the way I teach...the way I have always taught. If you love your kids...love their parents too! If you love your kids, sometimes you also have to stand your ground.
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