Cocking My Head to the Side!

     Dearest Teachers...What types of students do you get every year?  Can you categorize a set list of student types?  I am not asking you about about male or female, good or bad, gifted academically or average.  I mean a list of mind-sets.  Categories of personality traits in your students that...in my classroom anyway...seem to remain consistent year after year.  Like most emotional, behavioral, or even psychological traits, these are not innate...they are learned.  No matter what grade you teach, most of what your kids display in class has less to do with meat, and more to do with conditioning.
     Below is a list of what I see every year during the first week of school.  I am curious if any of you concur?

*  Many of the kids hate school.
*  A bit more than some crave attention.
*  Quite a few have a strong hatred for Math.
*  Quite a few hate to read books independently.
*  Many are afraid to raise their hand.
*  Many are afraid to actively participate.
*  A few are extremely needy.
*  There are always liars in the beginning (I average about two a year).
*  Some are way over zealous.
*  At least one has a problem with authority.
*  Most are highly unorganized.
*  Most have accepted defeat..."I am not good at Math"...I am not good at Reading." Etc.
*  Quite a few are distracted VERY easily.
*  Quite a few talk incessantly.
*  At least one bully.
*  At least one cryer.
*  At least one who is painfully shy.
*  At least one tattle-tale.
*  At least one show-off.
*  Many are bored easily.
*  A few shut-down when frustrated.
*  Doing Social Studies is the equivalent of getting catheterized!
*  A few will be sneaks (Doing anything and everything while your back is turned).
*  Some will consistently blurt out, and/or get out of their seat without permission.
*  At least one will draw, doodle, or sculpt at their desk while you teach.
*  At least one will be a chewer...erasers, bits of paper, pen caps, etc.
*  Several will groan when you announce "Take out your Math folders!"
*  Several will cheer when you announce "Put away your Math folders!"
*  At least one student will zone out all day long.
*  All (But maybe one) will hate writing.
*  At least one will have to use the bathroom every five minutes.
*  At least one will visit the nurse one or more times a week...to simply be sent back to your classroom healthy as a horse.
*  More than a few will loose everything but their heads.
*  At least two will ask inappropriate questions, or off topic questions during a lesson.
*  At least two will BUTT in line.

     ....Well, I think I will stop the list there. 
     Every year these are my kids.  Every year my kids come in conditioned with all of the above.  I have written many other posts that deal with the list above, so I won't bore you with paragraphs of what my views are regarding Classroom Management, and handling your kids.  I simply want to say this...
     If you think for one minute that you will ever have a class of kids that will consistently sit quietly, do all of their work, listen intently to every lesson you teach, raise there hands, never blurt out, are completely organized, take criticism well, accept authority respectfully, and easily transition from one subject to another without incident...then it just may be that you are living in a fantasy world;  some educational Utopia where your students are perfect in every way.
     As a teacher...as an effective teacher...you MUST know going in AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR CAREER that your kids will chat, blurt, fart, fidget, doodle, zone out, buck authority, lie, butt in line, sneak, get bored, hate most of the subjects that you are required to teach, and state your name 150,000 times a day!  There will always be bullies, and whiners, and tattle-tales, and sneaks!
     Are there ways to fix any of this?  Are there ways to make it all stop?  NO...there are no definitive ways to make any of it stop completely.  There are things, though, that will help to UN-teach some of the behaviors listed above.  Your kids learned how to do all of this stuff...they can also UN-learn it...they can modify it!  It all has to do with you...you and you alone.
     The main secret...the secret that will surely transform your kids into an amazing dog-pile of awesomeness is...give them each a reason to want to change.  Infuse your lessons with fun!  Like a kid who is afraid of the dark needs a nightlight to feel safe...you be that nightlight! 
     Show that Math can be boring or a royal pain...validate it!  THEN...get some contests going...get the kids excited about Math in a new way.  Most of the kids who hate it are just confused about many aspects of it.  Lift the veil for them...once a kid feels success...Math won't be so bad.
     Have high expectations...never back down...prove yourself to be the only Alpha in the room! Be consistent in your expectations and rule following, and actually BELIEVE IN YOUR KIDS!  Believe they can succeed.  If you believe in them...it is contagious...they will excel, they will succeed!
     When your kids ace something...ANYTHING...show them it matters!  A bit of extra recess.  Some free time at the end of the day on Friday...something that shows what they did matters to you.
     Take the fear out of your classroom...shove out the boredom!  Make your room a place that the kids look forward to coming into every day.  Make them laugh...make them laugh...MAKE THEM LAUGH!!!!
     Dearest teachers...all of us (Even the very best of us) have kids who do or will display the traits listed above.  It is OUR responsibility to quell the pain, halt the hate, dry the tears, quiet the chat, open the shy, give purpose to the over zealous every day.  After a few weeks...when your kids realize that YOUR classroom is like no other...things will change for the better.  Not the betterment of or for you...the betterment of and for the kids.  The kids probably were given reasons to hate Math, or sneak ahead in line.  You give them reasons to compute successfully and wait patiently.
    Thanks for reading!  I have to say this particular post came on the heels of something that a veteran teacher said to me during a meeting.  She said..."It is after Christmas and my damn students are still so chatty!"  I cocked my head to the side a bit...like my dog does when he hears something strange...and I thought.."Well, duh...they are kids!  What are YOU gonna do about it?"