Cocking My Head to the Side!

     Dearest Teachers...What types of students do you get every year?  Can you categorize a set list of student types?  I am not asking you about about male or female, good or bad, gifted academically or average.  I mean a list of mind-sets.  Categories of personality traits in your students that...in my classroom anyway...seem to remain consistent year after year.  Like most emotional, behavioral, or even psychological traits, these are not innate...they are learned.  No matter what grade you teach, most of what your kids display in class has less to do with meat, and more to do with conditioning.
     Below is a list of what I see every year during the first week of school.  I am curious if any of you concur?

*  Many of the kids hate school.
*  A bit more than some crave attention.
*  Quite a few have a strong hatred for Math.
*  Quite a few hate to read books independently.
*  Many are afraid to raise their hand.
*  Many are afraid to actively participate.
*  A few are extremely needy.
*  There are always liars in the beginning (I average about two a year).
*  Some are way over zealous.
*  At least one has a problem with authority.
*  Most are highly unorganized.
*  Most have accepted defeat..."I am not good at Math"...I am not good at Reading." Etc.
*  Quite a few are distracted VERY easily.
*  Quite a few talk incessantly.
*  At least one bully.
*  At least one cryer.
*  At least one who is painfully shy.
*  At least one tattle-tale.
*  At least one show-off.
*  Many are bored easily.
*  A few shut-down when frustrated.
*  Doing Social Studies is the equivalent of getting catheterized!
*  A few will be sneaks (Doing anything and everything while your back is turned).
*  Some will consistently blurt out, and/or get out of their seat without permission.
*  At least one will draw, doodle, or sculpt at their desk while you teach.
*  At least one will be a chewer...erasers, bits of paper, pen caps, etc.
*  Several will groan when you announce "Take out your Math folders!"
*  Several will cheer when you announce "Put away your Math folders!"
*  At least one student will zone out all day long.
*  All (But maybe one) will hate writing.
*  At least one will have to use the bathroom every five minutes.
*  At least one will visit the nurse one or more times a week...to simply be sent back to your classroom healthy as a horse.
*  More than a few will loose everything but their heads.
*  At least two will ask inappropriate questions, or off topic questions during a lesson.
*  At least two will BUTT in line.

     ....Well, I think I will stop the list there. 
     Every year these are my kids.  Every year my kids come in conditioned with all of the above.  I have written many other posts that deal with the list above, so I won't bore you with paragraphs of what my views are regarding Classroom Management, and handling your kids.  I simply want to say this...
     If you think for one minute that you will ever have a class of kids that will consistently sit quietly, do all of their work, listen intently to every lesson you teach, raise there hands, never blurt out, are completely organized, take criticism well, accept authority respectfully, and easily transition from one subject to another without incident...then it just may be that you are living in a fantasy world;  some educational Utopia where your students are perfect in every way.
     As a teacher...as an effective teacher...you MUST know going in AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR CAREER that your kids will chat, blurt, fart, fidget, doodle, zone out, buck authority, lie, butt in line, sneak, get bored, hate most of the subjects that you are required to teach, and state your name 150,000 times a day!  There will always be bullies, and whiners, and tattle-tales, and sneaks!
     Are there ways to fix any of this?  Are there ways to make it all stop?  NO...there are no definitive ways to make any of it stop completely.  There are things, though, that will help to UN-teach some of the behaviors listed above.  Your kids learned how to do all of this stuff...they can also UN-learn it...they can modify it!  It all has to do with you...you and you alone.
     The main secret...the secret that will surely transform your kids into an amazing dog-pile of awesomeness is...give them each a reason to want to change.  Infuse your lessons with fun!  Like a kid who is afraid of the dark needs a nightlight to feel safe...you be that nightlight! 
     Show that Math can be boring or a royal pain...validate it!  THEN...get some contests going...get the kids excited about Math in a new way.  Most of the kids who hate it are just confused about many aspects of it.  Lift the veil for them...once a kid feels success...Math won't be so bad.
     Have high expectations...never back down...prove yourself to be the only Alpha in the room! Be consistent in your expectations and rule following, and actually BELIEVE IN YOUR KIDS!  Believe they can succeed.  If you believe in them...it is contagious...they will excel, they will succeed!
     When your kids ace something...ANYTHING...show them it matters!  A bit of extra recess.  Some free time at the end of the day on Friday...something that shows what they did matters to you.
     Take the fear out of your classroom...shove out the boredom!  Make your room a place that the kids look forward to coming into every day.  Make them laugh...make them laugh...MAKE THEM LAUGH!!!!
     Dearest teachers...all of us (Even the very best of us) have kids who do or will display the traits listed above.  It is OUR responsibility to quell the pain, halt the hate, dry the tears, quiet the chat, open the shy, give purpose to the over zealous every day.  After a few weeks...when your kids realize that YOUR classroom is like no other...things will change for the better.  Not the betterment of or for you...the betterment of and for the kids.  The kids probably were given reasons to hate Math, or sneak ahead in line.  You give them reasons to compute successfully and wait patiently.
    Thanks for reading!  I have to say this particular post came on the heels of something that a veteran teacher said to me during a meeting.  She said..."It is after Christmas and my damn students are still so chatty!"  I cocked my head to the side a bit...like my dog does when he hears something strange...and I thought.."Well, duh...they are kids!  What are YOU gonna do about it?"
    

How You Know That You Are a Teacher - by Jeff Foxworthy

Dearest Educators,
     A dear friend of mine (Thanks Sherri) posted this Identification List by Jeff Foxworthy on Facebook this morning, and I just had to share it with all of you in "Blog-form"...it is spot on!






HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE A TEACHER? By Jeff Foxworthy

1.) You get a secret thrill out of laminating things.
... 2.) You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
3.) You walk into a store and hear the words, “It’s Ms./Mr. ____________ and know you have been spotted.
... 4.) You have 25 people who accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
5.) You can eat a multi-course meal in under 25 minutes.
6.) You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day, lunch and planning period.
7.) You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
8.) You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off”.
9.) You believe chocolate is a food group.
10.) You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
11.) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.”
12.) You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
13.) You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
14.) You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
15.) You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
16.) You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least 5 items!
17.) You ask your friends to use their words and explain if the left hand turn he made was a “good choice” or “bad choice.”
18.) You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
19.) You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
20.) You understand, instantaneously, why a child behaves in a certain way after meeting his/her parents

Be Like Water!

     We all know how educational life is, right?  We are awoken by the alarm.  We lumber out of bed, pour a cup of coffee and wait for its effects to do what they do.  We brush our teeth, take a shower and get dressed.  We get in our car and go to work for another productive day.  We check and double check that our lesson plans for the day are planned out efficiently.  We greet the kids as they arrive, listen to announcements, and spend the rest of the day teaching 5 different subjects while handling any behavioral issues that crop up.  We dismiss our kids for home by 3:30, and make our way to a faculty meeting, a PLC meeting, or sit behind our desk reorganizing lessons for the next day.  By 5 o' clock we head home, taking any papers that are to be graded.  We make dinner (Or go out) for the family, then transport the kids to whatever practice, rehearsal or event they are in need of going.  We grade our papers, relax a bit with the kids or in front of the television.  We head up to bed, set the alarm and climb between the covers for a well deserved rest. 
     Do I have that about right?  Did I hit the nail on the head?  If this is a day in your educational life you are either WAY FAR MORE ORGANIZED, LUCKY, AND/OR BLESSED THAN I!...or...you are living in a complete state of denial, and will never admit that the above described "Day in an Educational Life" is complete hokum...fiction...a fairy tale!
     Wouldn't it be nice though to actually have a day that moves seamlessly, and smoothly from beginning to end?  It's an awesome thought...a wish even.   I will bet that those of you who read my dribble...if you really think about it, ALL of you are like me.  Our days are spent redoing, reorganizing, putting out fires, spilling our coffee, teaching, re-teaching, reviewing then teaching again, grading papers till all hours, spending our planning making calls or receiving calls.  We have car trouble, grocery shopping, cell phone catastrophes, bills to pay, more money going out than coming in, and children (Our own children) who are in need of everything under the sun!  By the time we get to bed at night it is later than we promised ourselves it would be the night before, and it seems that no sooner do we close our eyes...the alarm goes off!  I believe this is a more accurate description of A Day In the Life of an Educator.
     I don't know what I would do if my day went off without a hitch?  I am not one who waits for the ax to fall, but I am not naive to the fact that what went well on Tuesday, may very easily crash and burn come Wednesday.  Herein lies the meat of this post's dribble...how to handle everything that life has in store everyday as a person...as an educator.
     One of my heroes from my youth was Bruce Lee.  He was everything to me.  I saw every movie he ever made at the drive-in with my dad.  My bedroom walls were plastered with posters of him (And Farrah Fawcett too).  I wanted to BE him.  As I got older I watched a documentary on his life.  In one interview Mr. Lee was asked the philosophy behind his style of King-fu.  He explained...One must be like water;  gentle and flowing, able to move in any direction.  But, water can also be one of the most powerful entities on earth.
     This philosophy struck a cord with me...it made sense.  I have done my utmost to live by this philosophy throughout my life.  Be like water.
     Educators...we have been charged with an awesome responsibility.  With this responsibility comes great rewards for sure!  However, it also comes with much heartache, tired bones, overworked minds, frayed nerves, and near empty wallets.  What keeps me going are the rewards...that is why I stay.  Every year I have about 30 rewards.  Each has a name, and a life, and a mind that needs expanding.  I also stay because I have morphed Mr. Lee's philosophy from an analogous description of his king-fu to my own life as a teacher, as a dad, as a son, as a friend, as brother, as a human being.
     Like water you must flow freely, ever forward...never still so as to become stagnant.  Like water you must be able to bend and turn no matter where a day may take you.  Like water you must reshape yourself without loosing your quality (Be changeable, pliant and adaptable).  No matter what hue of dye is cast (New rules, policy, curriculum), or amount of sediment you must trudge through (DOE or mandated procedures to implement), never loosing the essence of you. 
     Like water we must permeate ourselves into each of our students, and do our very best to be buoyant, and uplift.  No matter how wildly water is splashed it will settle soon enough...wait for the settling.  No matter how big the stone is that impacts us, we cannot allow the resulting effect to create a tsunami!  Instead, absorb the impact...the gentle ripples that ensue will move under all objects in their path...don't be a tsunami of angst and pent up frustration towards your kids.  Like water we are the nourishment, we have the power to cleanse.  If a pebble is removed from the sea, does it lower the sea's level?  Scientifically of course it does, but...does it really matter?  Is the sea all the worse for the loss of a pebble?  No matter how much the system takes from you, be as the sea...you are still you. 
     On the days you are clear, you are golden.  On the days you are turbid...breath, and settle.  All will eventually cascade to the bottom.  Allow your kids to swim in your knowledge, they will all emerge with a bit of you to take with them.  Be like water!
     There will be times when you must be strong...be like water.  Be the raging rapids if you need to make a point, or stand your ground.  Be the current of change...move things in YOUR direction!  Be unmoving and consistant as ice when it comes to rules in your classroom, and light as steam when it comes to fun in your domain.
     Will this very abstract, poetic conveyance of mine keep your life in balance and remove troubles from your classroom, or your life?  YES...and...NO.  It does help me to keep a balance....it helps me to not pull my hair out, or pound the walls.  Will it keep troubles away?  NOPE...not at all.  There will always be obstacles.  Water has a way with obstacles too.  Keep pounding away at any obstacle you encounter, like the waves of the sea.  Over time...the obstacles will erode away.  Be persistent, persevere.
     Educators...dear friends...no matter how busy life gets, no matter how hard and unforgiving, never give up.  There have been many days when I have been turbid, and many days when a tsunami was building on the horizon.  I am sure you all can relate.  I always remember to be like water.  Not raging water, or boiling water.  I sit, and I settle myself.  I think of my son, and my students.  I remember the emails, letters, visitations, and post cards from past students stating how well they enjoyed their year with me.  before long I settle and become clearer. 
     A life without obstacles would be bliss.  A day that went exactly according to planned would be like Shangrila!  How amazing it would be!  How awesome, how delightful...and how dull.