Honesty is a GOOD Policy!

     Consider for a moment the idiom Honesty is the Best Policy!  There was a time that I used this over-stated and conditional saying often in my classroom.  Years ago, after stating the aforementioned  expression for the 10,000^th time, I took a few moments to really analyze what I stood behind, and defended for years…the notion that honesty is the best policy.  The verb IS, and the adjective BEST denote that honesty should always be employed, that it is at the highest position possible, and above and beyond all notions to the contrary regarding the best anyone could hope for towards success.  Should honesty…absolute honesty…be the end-all or be-all for what is good and righteous?  Hmmmm…I wonder?  Can one still be good and righteous if one is to the left of honesty, or to the right?

     Honesty: being honest, being trustworthy, being dependable, being reliable, being diligent…all of these things (And much more) fall under the heading of Honesty.  Telling the truth would fall first on this list.  I am sure most of you would agree…at least in our classrooms?   This is where I stumbled upon a conundrum, and how I realized that the scapegoat category known as the White Lie came into being.  I found that I was a purveyor of white lies, and untruths!  This realization stunned me!  I had an apostrophe! (Haha…thought I’d throw a bit of humor in).  I no longer use this particular idiom in its concentrated form while playing vernacular volleyball.  I added a personal addendum to it.  I am now known to say…in this case, honesty is the best policy...depending on the situation.

     In my classroom Honesty is a virtue with which our classroom atmosphere is based…our foundation.  Compassion is the framework that houses us, and perseverance shelters us from the cold indifferent winds of doubt.  My kids can expect me to share my thoughts on any given subject, and to show how I feel every minute of every day.  I hold back nothing, and I do not hesitate to expound on my love for each of them, or on how poorly thought out choices killed the cat!   I encourage my kids to do the same.  If there is a problem it is rarely handled on an individual basis.  We hold a Town Meeting and get to the bottom of it, then discuss options on how to fix it, and then we determine consequences to follow as the result of it.  There is no room for lying when it comes to a poor-choice acted out, or harsh words spoken…we are the collective light of truth that shines directly on anyone who decides to go down that road.  For many kids, lying is their go-to reaction.  My kind of Get-to-the-Bottom-of-it tactic is not an easy lesson to learn.  However, once the kid (s) learns that fessing up has its rewards, taking the consequence is an easier pill to swallow.  The reward for honesty, in this regard, builds upon a kid’s self-esteem and strengthens their character.  The kids still hate taking the consequence, but their integrity is intact!

     Ok…back to my conundrum.  If absolute power corrupts absolutely, so does absolute truth!  I remember going-on one day during a discussion on a particular story we read in class.  The discussions lead us to the topic of bad choices resulting in incarceration.  I stated my honest viewpoint on the matter…making a mistake can happen to all of us, but making the same mistake again is a choice.  Those who choose poorly and wind up in jail do not possess the strength to do what is right, and they lack the intelligence to know better! (Harsh, yes…there have more than a few times I wished I could have pulled the tongue right out of my mouth!).  Shortly after, the kids were working on an assignment when one raised his hand.  I called him over.  He told me…eyes down…that his father was in jail, and that he wasn’t stupid.  It was obvious that my student was hurt by my words.  I knew the story of this young man, and I also knew that his father had been in jail off and on my student’s entire childhood.  I wanted to tell him that his father was a self-centered idiot that would probably, one day, die in jail.  That his father was a chronic criminal, a repeat offender that lacked remorse and had no compassion for anyone but himself!  This is what I wanted to say.  Instead, I looked into his teary eyes and said…there are exceptions to every rule!  I am sure that deep down your dad is a good man.  I lied!  How could I tell the truth to this kid who idolized his father?  The kid loved him, and had a child’s hope that one day they would be together!  Honesty would have done more harm than good at this point and time.  Not to mention, I was not in the position to pass judgment on this ten year old’s father, even though what I knew to be true came true.  If I believed that telling my student the truth in this matter would have helped him…no matter how hurtful…I would have risked it.  Again, he was ten!  Time and experience is what he needed to learn this truth, not some white-bearded, mean hearted teacher!

     Throughout my career I have made good use of the white lie; my truth filter.  I cannot knowingly and purposefully hurt someone by stating an absolute truth when there are other recourses.  Instead of…your breath smells like a sick dog’s ass!  I might give the kid a mint, or quietly bring up the topic of oral hygiene.   One year I reamed a kid out for calling a classmate stupid.  His response to me was…But Mr. Mac, what if he IS stupid?  I made him apologize, and talked to him about being more responsible with what he says, and encouraged him to help or tutor the other student.  Secretly I could understand where this kid was coming from.  Most ten year olds do not use the same vocabulary we adults do.  The outspoken student stated what he saw as truth, albeit, in a harsh way.  He had no filter mechanism.  The other student did lag in more than a few subjects, and in the eye of Mr. Outspoken…he was stupid.  Filtering 101 must be part of every classroom at every level! 

     Is it right to state that someone is fat, or ugly, or stupid?  Does stating instead…you are at an unhealthy weight, your look is interesting, or you are academically challenged…make the truth any easier to take?  The people in our lives who make it their policy to state the absolute truth are seen as the assholes, the bigmouths, the blowhards!  These people take great pleasure in the downfall of others.  They spew their caustic rants, and absolute truths to knock down someone in order for them to rise up.  Their statements are not said to help, only to hurt.  If a painful truth must be revealed, it must be done with the intention of helping someone who needs it.  A painful truth revealed should not make the revealer happy!  It takes monumental courage to tell someone a painful truth; because the revealer may be risking everything they hold dear.

     Dearest Teachers…be honest in who you are.  Be honest with what you stand for.  Reveal all to your kids about yourself (Within reason and appropriateness), and never be afraid to admit defeat, or that you made a mistake.  Don’t call a kid an idiot if they did something idiotic!  Be angry, or disappointed in the choice, not the kid.  Like our own children, we won’t stop loving them because they made a mistake.  Scream, pound, and rage if you must…just always make sure that your kids know that after the storm YOU will be there for them.  Giving up on a kid is way too easy.  We educators are made from stronger stock than that.

     My favorite idiom…They won’t remember what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel…says it all, and it goes both ways.  Be honest, and forever trustworthy just not at the expense of a child’s heart or soul.  If you must be brutally honest, do so without any thoughts of yourself and tread lightly.  Honesty is a GOOD policy!

     Years ago, at the beginning of a new school year, I saw the parent (Who also happened to be a teacher) of a student I had two years previous.  Her younger son was to enter fifth grade this particular year.  She was talking with a few other teachers and called me over as I was walking by.  She wanted me to know that her younger son was enrolled in another class, and that he wouldn’t have me as his brother did. 

     My older son needed you, but my younger son needs a real teacher.

     At first what she said didn’t hit me, though by the wide-eyed reactions of the others standing around I guess it should have hit me right in the face.  Point is, that statement wasn’t needed.  If this educator could say this to me, imagine what she has said to her kids!  The hurt from this statement did not linger long.  I considered the source and let it go.

     Lastly, Dearest Educators…straying to the left or right of honesty does not make us fakes, or phonies.  It allows us to be teachers.  Teachable moments happen often, and the best moments…the most memorable ones…happen outside the realm of curriculum!  Keep your minds sharp, not your tongues.