There are many feelings and/or emotions associated with attending school for a student. During the elementary years there are separation anxieties that can render a child almost inconsolable. During the intermediate years, when a child has more of a sense of self, social anxieties can develop with peers causing a child to begin the downward spiral of self loathing, lowering self-esteem, and self-worth.
Middle school? Probably the hardest time for any kid! Hormones are raging, social pressures are seemingly insurmountable, and the notion of "Being yourself" is such a frightening concept that most adolescents play-act, or become something (Or someone) else in order to survive! Cliques are all the rage and the social protocol is to find one...a popular one...to assimilate into. Harder choices...life or death choices... enter into the mix during the the middle school years relating to drugs, alcohol, love, sex, peer pressure, LIFE! The adolescent relies less and less on parental advice, and stands alone (Or with their social group) making decisions individually, or allowing their peers to make decisions for them.
High school anxieties are not much different from middle school anxieties, BUT...add more fuel to the fire. Parental pressure to do well and go to college. Academics, the right classes, college scholarship eligibility, jobs, paying bills, staying in school, NOT dropping out! I could go on and on...I won't.
Stepping away from the topic a bit (Not far away) we adults have all been there. I remember every age I have ever been (With the exception of the first two years of my life), and I remember school...nearly every year of it. I write here from experience...just as all of you could. I also write as an educator; an educator more concerned with my students than with the curriculum I have to teach them. In addition, I write as a parent. Those of you who are also parents know what I am talking about. We now know what our parents went through...the worries, the fear, the heartache, the pride, and the exhilaration regarding our own turn at being a kid, a teenager, and a young adult way back when. That being said, I want you to know that there is more of ME as a whole in this piece than ME as just an educator.
There is a reason I teach fifth grade. The average age of a fifth grader is 10. At this age children begin to gain a real sense of self. This age group pretty much knows who they are, and can make complex decisions regarding their world, and their place in it. They can tell a joke, and they can take a joke. They have a well developed sense of humor, and are capable of doing amazing things academically, socially, and emotionally. They know what right and wrong is (Don't ever let a kid fool you...at ten a kid KNOWS!), and though they may not be able to put it into words eloquently, a kid knows how to trust, and how to be trustworthy.
To speak metaphorically...a fifth grader is a field of fertile soil. If we are careful we can plant seeds there. Some of these ten-year-old fields are neglected and overrun with weeds. The soil underneath is still fertile...just needs a bit of weedin'! To plant a seed is easy, to get it to grow is the hard part. Plenty of encouragement, and consistency will help. Give it what it needs, don't let it fall through the cracks. Keep the weeds away, and hopefully it will take root. If we are lucky...we can see it begin to grow. If there is no growth, or minimal growth during MY year (Or your year)...my fondest hope is that the root is strong and that something I planted will help to make a good choice someday, or help to form the answer "NO" instead of "Sure...I'll give it a try!" I know...this sounds a bit off topic too. It isn't...bear with me.
Everything above (First 3 paragraphs) has to do with one word...FEAR! I hope that all of you know that there is Good Fear, and Bad Fear? I ask this because I heard someone state the other day...
"There is only one kind of fear, and it is bad!"
I did not interject when I heard this, but if I had I would have told her that what she said was not true. Here are a few examples of some good fears:
* Pay your electric bill on time...for fear the electric will be turned off.
* You drive carefully, for fear of getting into an accident.
* You lock up your home at night to keep everyone inside safe.
Healthy fear keeps us on our toes. It keeps us away from dark alleys, and helps us to think before we leap. Good fear keeps us responsible, and considerate to others. Good fear can be...good!
Bad fear...this is another animal altogether! Bad fear...if allowed to hang out or linger...can stunt our growth into who we are meant to be. Bad fear terrifies us at every age, and can cause us to do things we ordinarily would never do. Bad fear can make decisions for us that can lead us down a wayward path. It is this very topic that will balance out my article here.
There are many things our students need while in our classroom. One of the most important things is that every child must feel safe. It isn't enough for your kids to KNOW they are safe. Each child must FEEL safe. To know is conscious...it is voluntary. To feel is involuntary and its benefits run deep.
In order for any child to do well in the classroom many things must happen. When a kid is happy...when a kid is challenged...when a kid is confident...he or she will move mountains. If you are lucky a few of your students will simply "Come that way!" Most will not...they will have some form of the Bad Fear instilled within them. You can't get a kid to move a mountain when said kid is in fear of failing at the task.
My firm belief is that educators must be more than teachers. We have to be providers for some, and parental figures for others. We have to be bank tellers when needed, and disciplinarians when warranted. We must be honest and straightforward staying constant while maintaining a balance of flexibility. We must be open minded and big hearted. We must be firm yet pliant...and balance humor with a genuine sense of seriousness. We must be protectors...always!
You will have kids who are afraid to make a mistake. You will have kids who are afraid to appear foolish in front of their peers. You will have kids afraid to be themselves. You will have kids who will bully because they are afraid of being bullied themselves. You will have kids afraid to trust, because they have been let down so many times before. No matter what the fears are...the bad fears...you must dig in! Before you can tackle the fears you first must gain your students' trust. HOW do you do this? It takes REAL WORK ladies and germs! I can tell you how I do it, but you will have to find your own way with this.
First and foremost you must be consistent with discipline or with incentives regarding the rules and the procedures in your classroom.
Talk to your kids, and not at them.
Laugh with them, and not at them.
Reveal who you are...admit when YOU make mistakes.
Validate how your kids feel on a subject, and have them validate you.
No matter the circumstance...when you have to discipline a kid walk beside them through the entire procedure. Don't allow your kids to be alone. Standing with them may be a whole new experience for them.
Explain instead of lecture...allow your kids to have an opinion!
Give your kids ownership of the classroom...it is as much theirs as yours!
Be genuine and make realistic expectations....then raise the bar when you see fit.
Realize that your kids will make all of the age appropriate mistakes. Be consistent and unwavering but realize one thing...if you have a kid who's only downfall is being a chatterbox...be happy! This is age appropriate, a pain in both buttocks, but NOT the end of the world.
Unless it is a true breach of school policy (Fighting, drugs, terroristic threatening, etc.)...handle the discipline yourself...with the kid who NEEDS YOU! Talk to the kid, let him/her know what the consequence is, and never finish a conversation...when disciplining...without stating that you believe in the kid, and that you will be there when or if he/she falls again.
Unless it is very serious...DON"T get the principals involved. Handle the situation between you and the kid.
Try contacting parents with compliments about their kids. If a kid comes into your classroom with a bad-behavior reputation, his or her parents are probably accustom to being called by the teacher or principal every day or every week...seemingly to no avail! Let the kid see that YOU mean business...that what happened is between you and him/her.
I keep an open classroom, and we have Open Classroom Meetings. If something has happened whether one kid is involved or many...we talk about it as a classroom...as a community, and come up with solutions.
Be firm, be tough when you need to be, and never be afraid to show you care.
I believe nearly everything can be fixed. Help your kids fix a bad situation. Some only know how to cause a bad situation...not how to fix one...how to make something right, or even to make amends.
Trust must be earned...this goes for the teacher as well.
Make each of your kids important in your life as an educator. Make their families important also. Give value to what your kids think and how they feel.
When one of your kids is victimized or bullied by another be the protector, and follow through on all procedures. Make it important, and stand beside your kid. Report it, and...if possible...go with your kid if he/she must have a meeting with the principal. Support your kid. Keep your eyes and ears ever vigilant. This IS a time for principals and parents!
I could go on and on. Once your kids trust you THEN you can start hammering away at their fears. You can slowly bring a kid out of their shell. You can let another know that it is OK to make a mistake, and realize that making a mistake simply means DO OVER! It takes a great deal of work, every minute of every school day. Is it worth it? Darn tootin it is!
In this day and age it is certainly realistic that kids and parents are afraid of something bad happening to their children while in school. As a parent this is in the back of my mind every day. Physical fear is real, and on the minds of many. Your kids must feel physically safe as well as emotionally safe. We educators must be a protector in this arena too. In the recent light of the Colorado shootings...it has hit home that horrendous things can happen at anytime, and anywhere. We must be willing to put our kids above ourselves, and know what procedures to follow should there ever be a situation where we would have to do just that. My kids know that if someone comes through our door with ugliness on their mind...they will have to get through me before they get to them.
Good fear and Bad fear will always be a part of humanity, just as teenagers will always be angsting! Early in my career I learned that until I quell the bad fear in my room...no mountains will be moved. I like it when my kids move mountains. They like it too!
This newest little ditty may come off sounding like getting kids to trust, and quelling fear is a successful procedure for every educator as long as they follow a few steps. It has always been a successful procedure for me, but...I have not always been successful in gaining every student's trust, nor have I been able to eliminate the fears in every one of my kids. Some kids have been exposed to such fear driven conditioning that I was unsuccessful in getting in that deep. These few who I have not been able to reach will be the regrets of my career. I will always feel I failed them, no matter how hard I tried. I do have hope. I will forever hope that a seed did in fact set and root itself...or...that someone else was able to reach them.
Educators...make your kids feel safe. Make your classroom a home-away-from-home! I promise the rewards far outweigh the consequences!
